Tuesday, May 31, 2011


Small girl friendships can be "complicated".

Astrid's BEST friend (I'm going to call her Lucy) is, according to Astrid, a "frenemy". Last year, which was forever ago, they were not friends. Astrid said she was bossy and mean and sang rude songs about snot and farts. Don't get me wrong, Astrid is quite partial to songs about snot and farts, but these particular songs were not to her liking.

This year they are "in LOVE". Last week Astrid received a note, "I love you because you're pretty and have shiny hair"...five year old girls are very superficial.

But it appears there is a decidedly uncomfortable dimension to this friendship, a Single White Female component.

Lucy insists that Astrid play only with her at all times. She must even eat her lunch bite for bite with her, wear her hair the same and woe betide any child who talks to Astrid. Astrid is not a shrinking violet and so when Lucy tries to enforce these rules, a loud disagreement ensues.

Astrid and Lucy are not the only fraught relationship in her class (it's just the girls though, boys are far less complex) and so their teacher is trying to shake things up by forcibly separating the pairs. Time will tell whether this direct action works or backfires...

If I'm to be completely honest, all of this suits me perfectly as it absolves me of any suspicion of social engineering. I was feeling a little squeamish about my meddling in the friendship. "Why don't we have Alice or Amy or Wendy over to play instead of Lucy", I'd say . You see, while Lucy is fine (despite the Jennifer Jason Leigh-ness) her dad kind of gives me the creeps. You know, when the hairs stand up at the back of your neck but you're not really sure why? He is disheveled, sadly not in a Tim Roth/Robert Downey Jr sort of way, but in a park-bench-trench-coat-what's underneath kind of way and he told me my shoes were "pretty" last time I saw him.....creepy.


  1. Oh dear! I had a class a couple of years ago where this was a HUGE issue. I spent much of my time sorting out problems and many many lessons on assertive I statements and traffic light strategies. Good luck with it all. And I had to laugh about the disheveled fellow...Tim was mistaken for a weirdo at a school function once as he crept off to have a cigarette behind a tree in his big overcoat, security bailed him up.
    And thanks for the comment on my post. In truth I didn't read it as I wrote it and published it beyond the first few sentences, I thought it best just to write. I'd love a visit in the holidays.

  2. Oh, there was a dad at Savannah's old daycare who was CREEPY. He like, watched all the little girls all the time. He'd sit in the corner when we were at birthday parties, hold his head perfectly still, and his eyes would follow the girls. I was like, "Stay away from so-n-so's Daddy, Savannah." So glad that his kid went to a different elementary school.

  3. Let me just add tim is not a creepy weirdo but was mistaken for one! Boy did I tease him about it. But I did mean to add of course trust your gut feelings- it is better to be safe than sorry!!!!

  4. Ack, girl friendships (and grown women ones, for that matter), why are they like this? What leads to it? Last year when L4 was in her UPK class there were all sorts of cliques with the girls, 4 and 5! This year she doesn't seem to have any particular friend, she talks about many of the boys and girls. She, like Astrid, is not a shrinking violet, so I think anyone who tries to get her to do something she doesn't want to will be systematically ignored or called out on it. Or that's what I hope at least. It's what I try to tell myself when she is particularly trying at home! :P